Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Pen Problem

Most everyone has addictions/fetishes/obsessions in life. Some people collect porcelain dolls (scary if you ask me) or baseball cards perhaps. Others are addicted to gambling or illegal substances. And then there's me. I have a pen problem; I'm not sure if it's technically an obsession, collection, addiction, or something else all together. But it's a little strange. 

*These aren't all my writing utensils- just my favorite ones.  The  "pen problem" gets worse. Not only do I have an unhealthy amount of writing utensils, but I don't like to share them. "Don't like" doesn't actually cover it; I just outright hate it. Most of my former co-workers knew better than to even ask. *Jenny, if you are reading this, after you borrowed my purple pen in 2009 I had to replace it because you mangled the tip. 

It actually makes my skin itch to have to share them. I feel the need to watch the borrower like a hawk to make sure they don't misuse or abuse my pens. So it really has nothing to do with sharing; it has to do with the fact that the majority of the public does not have the proper level of respect for writing utensils. People treat felt tip pens as if they are indestructible; they're not. They're quite fragile, in fact. You can't grip them with man-hands and push down with all the force you can muster.  To cope with this problem, I usually carry "sub-par" pens to share with co-workers, family, and friends. That way, if they're destroyed or mistreated, I don't feel as badly. 

I feel as if I should stop writing (incriminating myself). I'm envisioning the previews for A&E's next INTERVENTION: A young woman's pen addiction threatens her relationships and career. Candy Finnergan would offer to send me to a treatment center for writing utensil addicts (because those definitely exist). I would of course accept- assuming that I could pack my pens and take them with me. I couldn't risk letting anyone put their grubby fingers on them while I was away at treatment, you know?? 

I think that's enough self deprecation for one day. Oh, one last thing though, I should  also acknowledge that I have a "Necklace problem" as well.

**I know I can't be the only one with weird, little quirks. So do tell, what are yours!? 


  1. You are just totally cracking me up today, girl! And is it bad that when I saw your ginormous pen collection that I was actually drooling a little??? I am *COMPLETELY* the same way with my writing utensils, so you can imagine my dismay when I realized that my children have absolutely no respect for them or personal boundaries (c:

    P.S. I'm still laughing about you calling me a turd...that was so classic...and strangely enough, I think it kinda made my day! Ha!

  2. Aubrey, I'm glad you like my pen collection!!! I'm okay with you drooling a little bit, as long as you don't actually slobber on any of my pens of course :)

  3. Hahahaha, I can just hear the A&E announcer's voice... I'm addicted to pen's/ pencils too. I don't think it's to the same extent, but I've never actually taken them all out. I do have the giant Staedtler collection, my pride and joy. Otherwise, I'd have to say shoes and cookbooks.

  4. you are a girl after my own heart Kelly!!! I love all of your fabulous pens!

  5. Too funny. I love the idea of having 'sub par' pens to loan people! I may need to steal that idea! I feel the same way about some of my pens and I only wish my collection was as amazing as yours!

  6. WOW! Too funny. Most of the time, I can't even find a functioning pen to write with. Can I borrow one of yours? : )


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